Wow, it’s been a while! Sorry for keeping you all on the edge of your seats waiting for new #content. Just kidding, I know no one actually reads this crap. I have been doing lots of writing, however, but primarily in my various journals and diaries (not to mention random scraps of paper and Post-It Notes). Now might be a relevant time to reference a tweet by which I felt personally victimized:
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you already have six blank notebooks at home.
— beautiful screaming lady (@TraceOddity) April 13, 2019
I’ve also spent a good amount of time painting homemade birthday and Mother’s Day gifts/cards for my Mom, as part of my elaborate 3049623784027835-step plan to overtake my youngest brother as mom’s favorite child (I’ll keep you all apprised of my progress after this round of Mother’s Day gifts). I’m only kidding. Kind of. But I do make an effort to at the very least always make homemade cards for my parents’ birthdays or holidays because I’m a big believer in the Zadie Smith quote: “Time is how you spend your love.” When it comes to my parents in particular, there’s no possible way I’ll ever be able to repay them (monetarily at least) for the life and opportunity and happiness and support and love they’ve given me, so buying something in a store always feels silly and futile. I suppose my homemade cards are an attempt at conveying that no matter how busy I am with work, or appointments, or other stressful little things, I will always, always make time for the people I love, whether that be in person or by taking the time to write a nice handwritten note.
Speaking of love — I was thinking about how love manifests itself in different, and sometimes weird and subtle, ways over time. I spent a lot of time this week in particular thinking about how my love for Thomas has changed over the course of our relationship, a reflection heavily induced by his absence as he’s been away visiting his parents in Atlanta.
I remember when we first started dating: he was living in New York, and then Boston, while I was still at school out here in California. We’d see each other once every two months or so, with either him flying out to see me or me going to meet him on the east coast. Each time I took the cross-country flight I’d get butterflies thinking about getting to see him, and I felt the same as I’d wait anxiously at the airport for him to land at SFO. Of course those butterflies don’t happen with the same intensity anymore, but I hate the idea that I now might sometimes take his presence and our relationship for granted. I never, ever want to take the moment each day when he walks through the door after coming home from work (or from working out at the gym, in which case he’ll be drenched in sweat and make a bee-line for whatever sugar is readily available in the kitchen), especially after we spent so long apart at the beginning of our relationship.
I started to think about the ways in which my love for him manifests itself these days:
–When he is away and I’m at home alone at night, I keep all the lights on in the house because it makes me feel less lonely and afraid. Turns out just knowing he’s around makes me feel better about everything.
–When we are together at home, my favorite moments are often the ones in which we are just sitting side by side on the couch, one of us watching a TV show while the other works or reads (or watches an entirely different TV show, since we can never agree on one we both enjoy), because the people I feel closest to are the ones who I can sit with in total silence and feel safe and calm and happy.
–Even when I’m annoyed at him for whatever reason (usually a trivial one, sure), I still check his location on the “Find My Friends” app around the time he’s supposed to be commuting home from work because it makes me smile to see his little dot moving towards our house.
All of the above reasons are pretty sappy, though – except for the last one, which could arguably be categorized as “creepy” – and he hates sappy things (including rom coms, which is pretty devastating for me). So I’ll finish this post up with some other slightly less sappy ways in which my love manifests itself these days:
–I bring home an extra donut for him when we have them at work.
–I attempt (keyword: attempt) to change out of sweatpants every so often, and into outfits that I genuinely think he would like.
–I’ve started watching Game of Thrones… yes, folks, you read that right! As of this evening I’m on… Season 1, Episode 2. Let’s goooooooo.
–I always restock the toilet paper. Just kidding, this isn’t a manifestation of love, this is a subtle way of saying, “I ALWAYS FREAKING REMEMBER TO BUY THE TOILET PAPER WHEN WE RUN OUT.”