Nowhere to Be (a “poem” I wrote typed on my phone while on a walk) What a privilege it is to have nowhere to bethis morning, outdoors, with the cold wind on my face.I pass the construction workers on the main street nearbyas the sun risesand I yell “good morning”… Keep reading "Nowhere to Be"
The morning air is cold and dry. Beneath the trees, on the trails covered with cracked and faded-brown leaves, it smells like winter. There is no one else around and I imagine myself on a mountain. I am trying on this Monday morning to approach the week “without expectation.” I… Keep reading "Without Expectation"
For how much exploring I’ve done in California, so little of it has been south of Monterey. I’ve visited some of the “heavy hitters,” if you will – Joshua Tree, Los Angeles, Santa Barbara, Sequoia National Forest – but my tendency is to drive north of the Bay especially for… Keep reading "Morro Bay"
Pots & Pans & Parts of Me
I woke up this morning, brushed my teeth, and did the dishes. All I do is the dishes. I need more hobbies. And less dishes. And better strategies for coping with my anxiety and need for control. Thomas made toaster waffles for breakfast instead of his usual oatmeal so that… Keep reading "Pots & Pans & Parts of Me"
Away From Me
I spent yesterday morning painting. I was trying to paint an image of where I wish I were – in the springtime-green mountains of Colorado – instead of here, inside, sweating, as smoke swirls around us. I spent yesterday evening reading Ocean Vuong’s On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. It has… Keep reading "Away From Me"
Candy Corn Contemplations
It’s a Sunday Sunday. Meaning: I left the house only once, which was to go to Target for toilet bowl cleaner, and ended up buying a big bag of candy corn that I finished on the walk home. I told myself I’d cook the tofu and kale I bought earlier… Keep reading "Candy Corn Contemplations"
It’s 5:18am but I get up anyway because it’s easier to start my day tired than it is to toss and turn in bed with only anxious thoughts as company. (No, wait, Thomas is also here…but he’s fast asleep and has been working so hard the last thing I want… Keep reading "Lavender"
TV & Poetry
I like to think of me and Thomas’ brain cell count as a zero sum game: if he’s gaining brain cells, I have to be losing them at the same rate. For example: it’s 8pm on a Saturday evening and he is doing readings for his policy classes. Therefore, in… Keep reading "TV & Poetry"
Fires, coffee, books (the usual)
I woke this morning to a red “Unhealthy” warning on my AirNow phone app. Instead of waking up, rolling over to grab my phone, and checking my work email, my mornings now consist of waking up, rolling over to grab my phone, and checking the air quality maps. What an… Keep reading "Fires, coffee, books (the usual)"
A Year of Gratitude
One year ago today I got in an awful bike accident. I remember lying contorted on the ground in the most pain I’d felt in my life, being lifted onto a stretcher and into the back of an ambulance, then opening my eyes in an emergency room bed thinking that… Keep reading "A Year of Gratitude"
Fires in the Time of Coronavirus
Some things that happened today, Monday, August 24: — I walked to the grocery store in full incognito mode. I hate wearing shades because they make me feel like an asshole but the smoky air left me no choice. Also, am I the only one who feels like shades create… Keep reading "Fires in the Time of Coronavirus"
Having My Cake…and Being Stressed Out, Too?
I feel sad, angry, and helpless about so much: fires blazing across Northern California, coronavirus raging on, friends who are going through tough times, ongoing fights for black lives… I sit at my kitchen table each day and try to focus on work but it feels increasingly trivial. I take… Keep reading "Having My Cake…and Being Stressed Out, Too?"