Maddy

Category: Thoughts

  • An Odd Moment of Beauty

    An Odd Moment of Beauty

    Thoughts at the end of a busy Wednesday: I love California. So much. I’ve lived here seven years now and still have that thought almost once a day. The only problem with California is that my twin sister and best friend lives 5,351 miles and an eight hour time difference away. This is a real…

  • Pizza Ponderings

    Pizza Ponderings

    I accidentally ordered buffalo chicken on my pizza this evening instead of barbecue chicken which, when eaten, is the equivalent of biting into a chocolate that you think is filled with caramel but is actually filled with raspberry, or eating a cookie that you think is chocolate chip but turns out to be oatmeal raisin.…

  • Nowhere to Be

    Nowhere to Be

    Nowhere to Be (a “poem” I wrote typed on my phone while on a walk) What a privilege it is to have nowhere to bethis morning, outdoors, with the cold wind on my face.I pass the construction workers on the main street nearbyas the sun risesand I yell “good morning” and they yell “good morning”…

  • Without Expectation

    Without Expectation

    The morning air is cold and dry. Beneath the trees, on the trails covered with cracked and faded-brown leaves, it smells like winter. There is no one else around and I imagine myself on a mountain. I am trying on this Monday morning to approach the week “without expectation.” I say these words to myself…

  • Morro Bay

    Morro Bay

    For how much exploring I’ve done in California, so little of it has been south of Monterey. I’ve visited some of the “heavy hitters,” if you will – Joshua Tree, Los Angeles, Santa Barbara, Sequoia National Forest – but my tendency is to drive north of the Bay especially for shorter weekend trips. As a…

  • Pots & Pans & Parts of Me

    Pots & Pans & Parts of Me

    I woke up this morning, brushed my teeth, and did the dishes. All I do is the dishes. I need more hobbies. And less dishes. And better strategies for coping with my anxiety and need for control. Thomas made toaster waffles for breakfast instead of his usual oatmeal so that was exciting. He still ate…

  • Away From Me

    Away From Me

    I spent yesterday morning painting. I was trying to paint an image of where I wish I were – in the springtime-green mountains of Colorado – instead of here, inside, sweating, as smoke swirls around us. I spent yesterday evening reading Ocean Vuong’s On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. It has to be more than coincidence…

  • Candy Corn Contemplations

    Candy Corn Contemplations

    It’s a Sunday Sunday. Meaning: I left the house only once, which was to go to Target for toilet bowl cleaner, and ended up buying a big bag of candy corn that I finished on the walk home. I told myself I’d cook the tofu and kale I bought earlier this week (in a fleeting…

  • Lavender

    Lavender

    It’s 5:18am but I get up anyway because it’s easier to start my day tired than it is to toss and turn in bed with only anxious thoughts as company. (No, wait, Thomas is also here…but he’s fast asleep and has been working so hard the last thing I want to do is wake him…)…

  • TV & Poetry

    TV & Poetry

    I like to think of me and Thomas’ brain cell count as a zero sum game: if he’s gaining brain cells, I have to be losing them at the same rate. For example: it’s 8pm on a Saturday evening and he is doing readings for his policy classes. Therefore, in order to balance out his…

  • Fires, coffee, books (the usual)

    Fires, coffee, books (the usual)

    I woke this morning to a red “Unhealthy” warning on my AirNow phone app. Instead of waking up, rolling over to grab my phone, and checking my work email, my mornings now consist of waking up, rolling over to grab my phone, and checking the air quality maps. What an inspiring way to start the…

  • A Year of Gratitude

    A Year of Gratitude

    One year ago today I got in an awful bike accident. I remember lying contorted on the ground in the most pain I’d felt in my life, being lifted onto a stretcher and into the back of an ambulance, then opening my eyes in an emergency room bed thinking that if I wasn’t dead I…