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    Maddy

    Good morning!

    2 Comments on Good morning! October 28, 2020 December 5, 2020
    Good morning!

    It’s a great morning to: wake up obscenely early (4:30am) because you needed to pee and then once you were awake your mind started racing so you just got up instead of lying anxiously in bed drink coffee and watch videos from Bruce’s 1975 Hammersmith Odeon show and cry of… Keep reading "Good morning!"

    Without Expectation

    2 Comments on Without Expectation October 27, 2020 October 28, 2020
    Without Expectation

    The morning air is cold and dry. Beneath the trees, on the trails covered with cracked and faded-brown leaves, it smells like winter. There is no one else around and I imagine myself on a mountain. I am trying on this Monday morning to approach the week “without expectation.” I… Keep reading "Without Expectation"

    Morro Bay

    Leave a comment on Morro Bay October 22, 2020 October 22, 2020
    Morro Bay

    For how much exploring I’ve done in California, so little of it has been south of Monterey. I’ve visited some of the “heavy hitters,” if you will – Joshua Tree, Los Angeles, Santa Barbara, Sequoia National Forest – but my tendency is to drive north of the Bay especially for… Keep reading "Morro Bay"

    Pots & Pans & Parts of Me

    Leave a comment on Pots & Pans & Parts of Me October 7, 2020 October 7, 2020
    Pots & Pans & Parts of Me

    I woke up this morning, brushed my teeth, and did the dishes. All I do is the dishes. I need more hobbies. And less dishes. And better strategies for coping with my anxiety and need for control. Thomas made toaster waffles for breakfast instead of his usual oatmeal so that… Keep reading "Pots & Pans & Parts of Me"

    Away From Me

    Leave a comment on Away From Me October 2, 2020 October 2, 2020
    Away From Me

    I spent yesterday morning painting. I was trying to paint an image of where I wish I were – in the springtime-green mountains of Colorado – instead of here, inside, sweating, as smoke swirls around us. I spent yesterday evening reading Ocean Vuong’s On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. It has… Keep reading "Away From Me"

    Candy Corn Contemplations

    Leave a comment on Candy Corn Contemplations September 27, 2020 September 27, 2020
    Candy Corn Contemplations

    It’s a Sunday Sunday. Meaning: I left the house only once, which was to go to Target for toilet bowl cleaner, and ended up buying a big bag of candy corn that I finished on the walk home. I told myself I’d cook the tofu and kale I bought earlier… Keep reading "Candy Corn Contemplations"

    Respite in the Redwoods

    1 Comment on Respite in the Redwoods September 22, 2020 September 22, 2020
    Respite in the Redwoods

    Last Thursday morning I went for a bike ride. The best kind of bike ride, in my opinion: one on which I take more pictures than I ride miles. It was the first day that week the smoke had cleared enough to get outside and I can’t remember ever breathing… Keep reading "Respite in the Redwoods"

    Lavender

    Leave a comment on Lavender September 15, 2020 September 15, 2020
    Lavender

    It’s 5:18am but I get up anyway because it’s easier to start my day tired than it is to toss and turn in bed with only anxious thoughts as company. (No, wait, Thomas is also here…but he’s fast asleep and has been working so hard the last thing I want… Keep reading "Lavender"

    TV & Poetry

    2 Comments on TV & Poetry September 13, 2020 September 13, 2020
    TV & Poetry

    I like to think of me and Thomas’ brain cell count as a zero sum game: if he’s gaining brain cells, I have to be losing them at the same rate. For example: it’s 8pm on a Saturday evening and he is doing readings for his policy classes. Therefore, in… Keep reading "TV & Poetry"

    Fires, coffee, books (the usual)

    1 Comment on Fires, coffee, books (the usual) September 10, 2020 September 10, 2020
    Fires, coffee, books (the usual)

    I woke this morning to a red “Unhealthy” warning on my AirNow phone app. Instead of waking up, rolling over to grab my phone, and checking my work email, my mornings now consist of waking up, rolling over to grab my phone, and checking the air quality maps. What an… Keep reading "Fires, coffee, books (the usual)"

    It’s 6am and I’m Bored!

    Leave a comment on It’s 6am and I’m Bored! September 9, 2020 September 13, 2020
    It’s 6am and I’m Bored!

    Last week I accidentally unmuted myself during a work call while funneling the remains of a family-size bag of popcorn into my mouth. A few seconds later: “Hey, Maddy, could you mute yourself?” F*ck. Such is my life these days. This week, however, my work laptop decided to stop functioning… Keep reading "It’s 6am and I’m Bored!"

    A Year of Gratitude

    4 Comments on A Year of Gratitude September 4, 2020 September 4, 2020
    A Year of Gratitude

    One year ago today I got in an awful bike accident. I remember lying contorted on the ground in the most pain I’d felt in my life, being lifted onto a stretcher and into the back of an ambulance, then opening my eyes in an emergency room bed thinking that… Keep reading "A Year of Gratitude"

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